I was there that day. Living in "The City", many blocks uptown. Sometimes memories morph into something that you are not sure really happened. A memory can get confused with facts and fantasies swirling in your brain. Not this one. I could see the smoke from my apartment. I could smell the death for a month. For several days, my friends and family searched for each other, making sure each other was OK; making sure each other was alive. Many were not. Cell phones eerily connected to voice mails. Ghosts of voices never to be heard again. Names trickled in the first few days. The names of friends who went to work that day on the doomed high floors. The names of the many firefighter friends who ran into the flames. Then came the funerals and memorials. None with more than a photo. No bodies, no belongings. So many on some days that I had to pick and choose which to attend.
The new reality began to set in. Months of bomb scares. My own apartment building being evacuated with a bomb scare. Each subway ride interrupted for bomb scares and searches. The smoke lingered. An ever present reminder. The rumors were heart wrenching. Stories of children dancing in an Arab neighborhood in Brooklyn, as the planes struck. Stories of taxi drivers fleeing the country with their families the day before the disaster. Rumors of Muslim World Trade Workers staying home that dreadful day. Rumors drawing the dividing line that gets darker everyday, still.
Months went by, we tried to settled in to life in a new world. The City was stunned with PTSD and survivor guilt. The City yearned for the unity we felt those weeks following the event. Many left. I was one. To this day, I feel like a deserter, weak. I have been gone nine years and I cannot go back. Back to my home. I often tell people "We must never forget". Sometimes I wish I could. As I write this, I feel as if I am still stunned from the new reality which has never really set in for me.
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Oh, Norah. It was all I could do to read your beautifully written memoir without weeping, and then came the photos - and the tears. And yet ... thank you.
ReplyDeleteNorah, I was not there but my boyfriend at the time was... I used to live in NY and a few months before that I went back to Mexico. When I saw it in the TV I was in horror thinking he was dead... I couldn´t get a hold of him until later that day and we also were very worried for many friends and for everyone of course... I remember seeing in the TV the 2nd plan crash just thinking it was not true!!! My prayers go to all the families, to all New Yorkers, to all the human beings... this should never happen again... (big hug)
ReplyDeleteMollie has said it best. I remember just wanting to be with my family. I live on the west coast and could not stop watching the coverage. Every day I thought they would find survivors. Someone.. something. I hoped and I hoped, even as the terrible death toll rose. I will never forget. I will never, ever forget.
ReplyDeleteJill ~ Ozmay
Norah,
ReplyDeleteYours was the first I've read from someone so close to this life altering tragedy.I could never, ever imagine the horror you and the rest of NY faced. You shared a piece of your heart & soul, your pain and feeling OF loss and of BEING lost...Thank You for re-living a piece of your life, our humanity is just that...humanity and we are more as piece of it now because of your selfless reflection...May God Bless you, our fallen our lost our heroes and our nation...WE WILL NEVER FORGET!!
Thank you for writing this...I think you put into words what many are feeling. I am so sorry for what you and others have gone through who lived and worked in the city.
ReplyDeleteA very touching memoir Norah. Thank you for writing it.
ReplyDeletevery touching Norah.....I remember that day clearly...I was at work at the school...n It came on in the library.....very very sad day....
ReplyDeleteLiving in Canada, I don't know many people who were personally touched by the events of 9/11. I know you virtually, but feel we are friends and I was deeply moved by your blog. I remember I worked at a physio/occupational therapy clinic and we all gathered around my desk that morning to watch footage off CNN when the second plane came in. We were numb and many of us wept. I can't imagine knowing people who worked there or living in Manhattan. How horrific and scary that must have been for you. I don't think you are a deserter, but a survivor of a horrific terrorist attack. I love you Norah and bless you for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteNorah, this is such a heart wrenching remembrance. Thank you so much for not only sharing, but doing so in such an eloquent way as to not let any of us forget. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone for letting me share a little of me with you. I am so thankful for all of you, my friends.
ReplyDeleteThis gave me chills Norah. Thank you for sharing. We will all never forget.
ReplyDeleteThanks Norah for sharing your story!
ReplyDeleteReally moving photos, and beautifully written post.
ReplyDeleteI've lived in Westchester all my life, so I feel a certain connection to NYC, and stories like yours make it hit home even more. Thank you for sharing your experience, though I'm sorry you (and everyone else) had to go through it in the first place.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm at a loss for words so I'll send you some (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteNorah - Beautifully written and truly touching. We must never forget 9/11 and never forget to thank those who rick their lives for us everyday.
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